March to July is a magical time of year at my house. During that five months period, there is always something blooming at my house. We have daffodils, cherry blossoms, a butterfly bush, hydrangeas, dogwoods, crepe myrtles, and a host of other blooming plants I couldn’t name. Birds lay eggs and babies hatch in the birdhouse that’s nailed up under our porch roof. Squirrels and deer run through the yard regularly. I lived in a mega-city long enough that even five years removed, I still feel like Snow White in this wooded neighborhood we call home.
I had nothing to do with any of this. Me and my black thumb simply get to enjoy the work of our Creator and the previous owners who planted all of this for future residents to enjoy. But unlike the previous owners, the good Lord knew that we would someday live in this house. And He knew that this year, I would need the Spring more than in the past, for the shifting seasons weather-wise reflected the shifting seasons of our family’s life this year.
Ministry Shift
We are experiencing two marked shifts in our life and ministry this year. We are saying goodbye to dear friends who will be moving overseas later this year. For the last couple of years, we have walked with these friends through re-entry off the field as IMB Journeymen, through their engagement, doing their premarital counseling, celebrating their marriage, and just generally doing life with them. While we knew what we were getting into when we came back to the seminary, this is the first truly hard goodbye we’ve had to say since moving back.
And it’s not the only goodbye. For the last couple of years, we have hosted a prayer group in our home for church members who are interested in being sent overseas. Every month, this group comes to our house for dinner and to pray for the nations and each other as they prepare to be sent out as missionaries. The time has come, though, for most of these friends to be sent. In the next six months or so, most of them will be gone and we aren’t yet sure who might replace them (not that they can be replaced!). As one friend remarked when I (mostly jokingly) bemoaned everyone leaving: “You signed up for this.”
And we did, joyfully. This year is the culmination of the last couple of years of walking alongside students as they try to make sense of God’s calling on their life and figure out what to do with it. It’s a new season, and Lord willing, there will be more to raise up from our church to be sent out. Though saying goodbye is hard, is a privilege to have a small part in what the Lord is doing in the lives of people who want to make His name known around the world.
Family Shift
The most obvious shift this year, however, has been the start of school for my youngest. For the first time in seven years, I no longer have children at home with me for most of the day. I realize that I have some measure of control over that, for homeschooling is a legitimate and prolific option that many families around here choose. However, we are happy with our kids’ school and at peace with the decision to have them attend school outside of our home.
This has not come without some measure of grief, though. I have been fortunate to be able to stay at home with my kids since infancy, but as is often the case, it’s only by looking in the rearview mirror at our past circumstances that we truly recognize the fortune in them. I admit that I was not always grateful. I struggled with motherhood, still do, but particularly in the baby years. I fell prey to the messages I saw on social media that implied motherhood is a burden; that it was ok to be discontent because motherhood is hard; that I just needed to survive those years.
And that’s wrong. I can say with gratitude that I discovered that those messages are wrong before it was too late, but I still find myself wishing I had been more present, more patient, more joyful when the kids were younger. Because now, as far as my limited knowledge can predict, my children will never be at home with me in the same way ever again.
How dramatic that sounds! I can’t imagine how I might respond if/when my kids leave for college or get married or, if the Lord wills, move to serve Him in a faraway place. But if a season change is good for anything, it’s good for reflecting in both gratitude and humility the Lord’s unchanging faithfulness in all seasons. When I was in the depths of postpartum struggles, the Lord still gave me glimpses of joy in my tiny humans and words of hope spoken through friends who had walked that path before me. When I was trying to figure out how to work a new full-time job for which I felt ill-equipped while staying at home with my toddlers, the Lord reminded me of how blessed I was to receive such grace and flexibility from my employer (and coinciding naptimes with the two tiny ones). When I felt guilty for getting easily frustrated as my kids entered the challenging twos and threes, the Lord began to work on my heart to develop patience, discipline, and joy in motherhood.
And as our kids got into ages four, five, and six, the Lord has given us several years of pure enjoyment in parenting. As they have gotten older, more independent, and more capable, we have had so much fun with them. And though I miss them while they’re at school and feel that my house is a bit too quiet, what a grace even that is: to miss my children during the day because I like them and I like spending time with them.
Pruning and Growing
Though this year has contained a lot that is bittersweet, I recognize that these are all good changes as the season of our lives gives way to a new one. This new season opens up opportunities for further growth and development in my job, opportunities for discipleship, and increased bandwidth for ministry and other projects that hopefully honor the time the Lord has given me.
I do not like change, and so the Lord is pruning me through this shift. But he is also producing growth and sancification that I am doing my best not to fight against. There is a hydrangea bush in my backyard, whose current state makes me chuckle every time I look at it. I never cut off the dead blossoms, but if you look closely, you can see the new growth coming forth. It is a good metaphor for this year. This picture reflects how I feel: that there is a lot of dead stuff that still needs to be cut away, but there is also growth happening through God’s kindness and providence.
Photo by noor Younis on Unsplash
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